


A Perfect Metaphor: Outtakes

by FlamingMaple



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Book: New Moon, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23180722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlamingMaple/pseuds/FlamingMaple
Summary: Outtakes from A Perfect Metaphor
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13
Collections: Twilight FanFiction, Twilight FanFiction Collection, Twilight Fanfiction





	1. Chapter 1

A/N for 2009-03-16: This is an out-take from "A Perfect Metaphor", and falls between chapters 37 and 38 of "A Perfect Metaphor". This chapter was published as part of the 'Babies at the Border' fundraiser last year. Many, many thanks to Eeyorefan12 for her work in nudging it to where it needed to be and polishing it to a shine.

\- Erin

* * *

"Oof!" Edward said, as Josh bounced onto his midsection. "You are getting big."

"Big!" Josh repeated.

"Yes," Edward said, holding him up a bit to keep him from hurting himself as he continued to bounce delightedly. "You're getting _tall_."

Bella chuckled knowingly as she watched them. She'd recently pointed out that Edward might want to imitate a few human behaviours with Josh, especially when their play became more physical. He'd paid close attention to other parents and their children since then, studying the ways fathers, in particular, engaged with their boys.

"I tall," Josh said, calming while he looked at Edward, still straddling his chest.

Bella's breath caught.

"You are, little man," Edward said, smiling widely at him. There were more words together than apart these days, and each phrase seemed to surprise and delight Bella as equally as the last.

Josh squiggled onto the ground, grinning at Edward. "Hide?"

"Sure. I'll wait here and count, okay?" Emmett had taught Josh the game of hide-and-seek the week before, explaining the 'rules' one way to Josh but directing innuendo-strewn comments and images at Edward that had gone straight over the children's heads. Bella had forgiven Emmett, when Edward had explained why he'd been muttering at his brother throughout the lesson, only because his efforts had finally produced fruit with Josh, when so many others had failed. For his part, Edward was wondering how soon he would be able to look Rosalie in the eye again.

Josh nodded at Edward, his little body vibrating with excitement.

A ways away, Meredith moved slowly around the circumference of the meadow, a large bouquet of blossoms in her arms.

"One . . . two . . . " Edward began loudly.

Josh pattered away.

"This is so nice," Bella murmured.

"It is," Edward whispered, then resumed full volume, "three . . . four . . ."

"We should come back without the kids sometime," Bella sighed.

If he'd had a beating heart, Edward would've felt it skip a little. "Really?"

"Mm-hmm." She drew her finger over his forearm, up and then down, then up and down again. If he were human, he imagined it would make his toes curl. Since he was not, he swallowed a mouthful of venom and drew his hands into fists with a force that would crush diamonds.

"Five . . . six . . ." he said hoarsely, lifting his eyebrows in question and slight admonition. She waggled hers back at him and then laughed, clearly undeterred and unafraid. God, how he loved her.

"Oh, the seductive power of your snort," he whispered as she wiped her eyes. Then he called out, "Eight, nine, ten! Ready or not, here I come!" He leaned over and ghosted a kiss over her hair before running off to 'find' Josh.

"Did you see where Josh went, Mer?" he asked, jogging towards her.

"That's cheating, Edward. _Alice_ never cheats when _we_ play hide and seek." She gave him a prim look.

"Oh, she doesn't? " Edward asked innocently. "Well then, I'll follow her excellent example."

In the distance, he could hear Bella's muffled laughter, as she covered her mouth with her hand.

"I wonder where Josh is," he mused loudly. "Hmm. Under this rock?" He picked up a stone. "Nope. Maybe behind these trees? No." He sighed, "Hmm. Where could he be?"

"Here!" Josh squeaked, a few trees away. Then he popped out from behind his spot, giggling and wiggling with excitement. "Win!"

"Yes, you win," Edward concluded, trotting over to pick him up and carry him back to Bella upside down as Josh shrieked with laughter.

Bella was busy admiring the bouquet Meredith had brought her, naming the flowers for her daughter.

Edward listened with interest. He hadn't known she had any kind of botanical interests. As with all new Bella-related discoveries, he weighed how best to uncover more information.

"Some of those flowers are quite obscure," he murmured, when Meredith had skipped off to look for more.

"Some, yes," Bella agreed, watching Meredith and calling out, "Not too many, honey, or there won't be any for next time."

The distant, "Okay," was definitely a reluctant acquiescence.

"I um. . . " Bella started, chuckling a little, "I was short on reading material in the psych ward those first few days. They don't want to give you much to do. You know, sort of see what you're like without distraction. There were a few magazines and one book, which happened to be a field guide to the wildflowers of Washington state."

"Ah," he said, tucking a stray curl of hair behind her ear. Something told him her light tone hid something heavier.

Bella watched Meredith for a bit longer, throat constricting around some emotion. When she spoke again, her features were pinched, and she tried to smile through them. "It made me think of here and—it made me think of you." Pulling in a deep breath, she let it out. "I haven't thought about those first days in a long time, and I'm really glad that you're here with me now, and that that time is over."

The apology wanted to leap from his mouth, but she'd asked him to stop with them, so he kept himself mute, hoping his face spoke for his heart. From time to time, she would reveal some small nugget of those painful years past. While he had a broad sketch of what had transpired, there were few details.

He wondered what she'd thought about, when she thought of him, learning the names of the varied flowers that blossomed around them.

"Mama, I'm hungry," Meredith said, ambling over with a few more flowers.

Edward watched Bella's lips pull into an apologetic smile while she snuck a sideways glance at him. He had taken on almost all the food preparation lately, yet her children still always went to her first when they were hungry.

"I'm sure Edward has prepared a delicious snack of broccoli and zucchini. Right, Edward?"

Meredith looked horrified.

"Fortunately," Edward whispered conspiratorially to Meredith, "I didn't let your mama pack the snack. I brought strawberries and almonds."

"Oh," Meredith said, still looking a little crestfallen. She'd thought that a special outing meant a special snack. "Well, okay."

"I think the words you're looking for are, 'thank you, Edward,'" Bella prompted.

"Thank you, Edward," Meredith said politely, accepting the small, divided container he handed her.

"Snack?" Josh asked, running back towards them. He'd been looping around them in circles, spinning and turning at various points. He too accepted a container, but immediately passed it back with a flatly-intoned, "Help," to Edward. As usual these days, his eyes didn't meet Edward's.

Nudging up the lid, Edward returned the container. "You're welcome. Here you go," he said softly.

Josh's answering smile was directed at the ground, as was his gaze, but Edward knew for whom it was meant.

Eye contact overwhelmed Josh. Not in the way his tantrums did, but in that they took all his mental energy to process what other people's eyes were telling him. Josh noticed everything about them, and when writers waxed poetic about eyes being the gateway to someone's soul, they wouldn't be far off from Josh's perspective. He could read a person's eyes so well, that those orbs eclipsed everything else about them—words first, then body language. Edward had come across hundreds of autistic minds in his time, and he was always interested in the differences as well as the similarities between them, but Josh was the first person he had ever been close to like this—the first one he truly cared for. The boy's bright mind and thoughts fascinated him and made him focus on how best to assist him in navigating the world.

Josh ate for a little, but with only half his attention on his food. He was mostly interested in watching Edward. "Eat?" he asked him, holding out the container. He knew he'd say no, but he liked Edward, and he liked his food, and he couldn't quite understand why they didn't go together.

"Oh, no thank you," Edward said. "I'm not hungry right now."

"You're never hungry when it's just us around," Meredith observed casually.

He heard Bella's breath hitch.

"Yes I am," Edward countered. "I'm often hungry." This was true. He was.

"But you don't eat the snacks you make us," Meredith said, a hint of suspicion in her voice. Her thought conclusions were not worrying. She was, however, wondering if Edward might sneakily eat things that she wasn't allowed to—like the sugar cubes by the tea canister.

"Maybe," Edward said, leaning over, "I want to eat _you_." He sniffed at her dramatically. "Then again, maybe not. You don't smell tasty enough." She giggled, but Bella looked mildly alarmed. He winked at his fiancée before leaning over towards Josh, "Now _you_ smell delicious! Nom-nom-nom!" He buried his nose into Josh's midsection and unleashed a genuine growl, although he tempered it. This wasn't a wrestling match with Emmett or Jasper, after all. His behavior elicited a fit of giggles from the trusting children in front of him.

After a repeat performance, he declined their request for a third, giving Mer and Josh time to calm down a little and finish their snacks.

Bella lifted both eyebrows at him when the children scurried away. "Really?" she asked.

"I can be the fun parent," he said airily, keeping the smirk off his face with difficulty

"Apparently," she said, arching her head so she could whisper into his ear. "I'm not quite sure who you are and what you've done with the old Edward Cullen, but you can stay. I like you way better than that old stuffed shirt."

He had her pinned and squealing from a few well-placed tickles in seconds. This ended quickly, morphing into gentler laughter and kisses. Their lips were becoming more intimate when Meredith's excited voice pulled them pull apart.

"Mama, come see!" she called. "I think it's a glacier lily!"

"Okay," Bella replied a little reluctantly, slowly hoisting herself upright with Edward's help. She wagged a finger at him, "I'm coming back for revenge later."

"Which I await with mighty trepidation," he said in a mock-serious tone. He had a feeling the payback would be most welcome—and come later in bed.

He wasn't left long to speculate, as a little body plopped itself onto him with a sigh. "Man," Josh breathed.

"Hi Josh," Edward said, rubbing his small back. Josh slid off his chest and down to the ground, Edward's body forming a semi-circle around his little one.

Their faces were very close when Josh turned to look at him. Putting his hand on Edward's cheek, Josh furrowed his brow, and then veritably shoved his thoughts at Edward.

They were so strong, and so forceful, Edward almost flinched.

_I want to be like you._

They weren't words, but they were so clear, they made Edward's heart ache.

"No," he breathed out, laying his hand over Josh's tiny one.

The tumbling kaleidoscope of images continued, documenting all the things Josh knew of Edward—his speed, his ability to hear him this way, his kindness, the tenderness he'd shown for his mother, and the way—here Edward laughed—the way he was so blissfully cold. He was never overheated. Josh _loathed_ being too hot.

Glancing over at Meredith and Bella, Edward made sure they were fully engrossed in conversation before speaking. He knew that much of what he wanted to communicate was well beyond Josh's ability to understand, but he wanted to honour the boy's deep desire as much as he could. "Your mama wanted to be like me too, once."

Josh's eyes widened as he looked over at his mother, and then back at Edward. Edward could hear his vague wonderings as he contrasted Bella's warm skin and occasional clumsiness to Edward's coolness and grace.

"It didn't happen, but it was a good thing after all. Your mama met your daddy, and they made you and Meredith. If she was like me, I wouldn't have gotten to know you and that would be sad. I love all of you."

Josh understood the word love. It meant hugs, which were okay, and kisses, which were tolerable, and when Mama rubbed his back just right at night in bed. It meant Mama. Edward caught a flash of Matt's face before Josh's thoughts decided it meant Edward too.

Oh love, Edward thought, feeling his own chest tighten with what he felt for this boy, and his mother and his sister.

"I don't want you to be like me, Josh," Edward said, "You need to grow and change. That's what children do. They grow up and they try new things and they learn about the world."

Josh didn't grasp this concept at all, frowning. Edward tried making it much simpler.

"You won't get taller if you're like me. You won't get to ride a big-boy bike."

Ah. Yes, he understood. He wanted those things.

But he still wanted to be like Edward. He imagined himself bigger. The image was comical: Josh's tiny head on Edward's body.

Edward didn't laugh.

Josh kept focusing, trying to imagine himself older and like Edward. His mind struggled for all the visual details.

"I understand," Edward said. "You want to be like me when you're older. After more birthdays." He waited for the thought to fill him with dread, but the sentiment didn't come. Its absence made his insides churn with guilt. How could he even think of this innocent becoming like him without horror?

Josh's tiny nod was solemn. He ran through the thoughts again, pushing them in Edward's direction. Clearly frustrated and unsettled when Edward didn't respond this time, Josh reached out and replaced his hand on Edward's cheek, virtually stepping inside his head. "Man?"

Edward allowed his gaze to meet Josh's, marvelling at how the boy's profound determination to share this allowed him to maintain eye contact. He could feel, through their connection, how much it was costing him. Then Edward nearly gasped aloud as Josh showed him, with uncanny focus, the image he had obviously been struggling to pull together in his mind: that of Bella, Mer, Josh and Edward all together, all of them ghostly white, with blazing golden eyes.

"Maybe someday," Edward breathed, completely overcome. Maybe.

* * *

DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.


	2. Upping one's game

A/N for 2020-12-31: Happy New Year's eve, everyone! This chapter is a gift to my beta, Eeyorefan12, who practically wrote her heart and soul into this story.

This chapter takes places many years after _A Perfect Metaphor_ ends, when the children are all grown up.

Enjoy!

Erin

* * *

Jigsaw puzzles did not challenge a vampire mind. Even the most complex and subtle patterns were easy to spot amongst the myriad pieces, particularly if the original image had been viewed. Here Edward was at an especial disadvantage. Even the times he _hadn’t_ looked, undoubtedly one of his family members had. This was the case now, with Josh holding the image in his mind as he pieced together its fragments. 

As usual, Edward held back, pretending to study the glossy pile of cardboard cutouts with his son. Thinking of his own human playacting, he smiled a little. Before Bella became a vampire, he’d thought himself and his family members masters of human imitation. His wife had “upped their game”, as she put it. At the moment, she was doing so by staying upstairs and pretending to nurse a cold, as it were. From her bedroom, the sound of a convincing sniffle and cough made Josh pause and wonder if he should ask if she needed anything. He listened a little longer, deciding he would wait and let her rest, returning his attention to the puzzle.

His glance in Edward’s direction was just a flick of the eyes, really, then back to the board. Edward pretended he hadn’t noticed. 

Josh pushed two pieces together. This pair sat, orphaned amidst the rest of the image spread over the felt puzzle board. Edward watched Josh’s fingers spread out over the fabric and retract, the sensation soothing his mild frustration. He knew that Edward could assist him much more than he was and wondered why his father was holding back so much this time. 

Josh’s thought wasn’t exactly a surprise for Edward, but it was one that made him tense just a little. The children’s ignorance of his and Bella’s true natures protected them—not that they were children anymore, but they were _his_ children, and it was instinctual to protect them. 

While Edward liked to pretend lightness with Bella in ‘upping his game’ in this mortal charade, it was really to allay his own well-founded anxiety for the safety of his entire family. What parent would want to damn his children to immortality?

Or send them to an early grave—he veered away from the thought.

Eternity was no damnation for him, not anymore. He curled his lips into a slow smile, thinking of Bella and their life together. Yes, constant vigilance was the cost for this life, but it was a blessed one. Old habits were hard to break for vampire minds, but he could accept now that he was not damned, and neither was Bella. Their heaven just happened to exist on a much more mortal plane.

In a relative flurry of motion, at least for a human, Josh assembled four more pieces, snapping these together with a line of side-pieces. He was making good progress on a remarkably challenging puzzle. It was entitled, ‘Purple Haze,’ and would be amorphous to most human eyes. Josh was a profound observer of all things, puzzles and family members included. 

A bloom of memory surfaced for Josh. He was recalling the purple flowers of the meadow he’d once visited with Edward. More importantly, he remembered the fervent desire he had held that day to someday be like his father. Josh remembered that Edward had talked with him about it even though Josh hadn’t had the words then to express his thoughts out loud— 

Under the table, the piece in Edward’s hand snapped in half. “Shoot,” he muttered softly, seeing that Josh had noticed. He waved the broken piece in apology.

Josh tilted his head, eying his father. Still wildly curly, Josh’s now too-long mop of curls tilted sideways with the motion, the copper colour glinting under the overhead light. He shrugged and looked back to the desk in the corner where the roll of scotch tape sat. At twenty-two, he had no difficulty speaking, but still preferred to communicate nonverbally. 

Not for the first time, Edward wondered if Josh chose to speak less with him because he was getting sloppy with hiding his gift. Possibly. He could never discount the possibility. There _had_ been a time when Josh had known of Edward’s ability to hear him, but it had been so many years now that his son seemed to have forgotten. That had been what Edward and Bella had hoped for after all, that the memory of Edward’s talent would fade for Josh once his parents required him to communicate more conventionally. 

These days, Josh thought of Edward as someone who ‘got’ him on a fundamental level, but there were other, more tenebrous assumptions that underscored this—memories that Edward would have preferred his son leave in the illogical magic of childhood understanding. This memory of their conversation in the meadow was a new one but certainly fell into the latter category.

Edward stood, making sure to do so slowly, rubbing his back as he went. Purportedly in his late forties, he’d developed a bit of a back problem. _Upping his game_ , he mused, neatly taping the puzzle piece back together and returning it to the table. Catching a glimpse of himself in the darkened windows, he checked his appearance. It was habit now to do so. His make-up was intact. He wondered if it wasn’t time to begin adding a touch of grey to his hair as well. Maintaining the pretense of age took considerable time each day, and while he did not regret one minute of it, he wasn’t keen to have to add more to it, either. Resting his hand on Josh’s shoulder, he glanced over the array of scattered purple and reached over his son to push two pieces closer together, cocking his head in question. 

Josh caught his glance in the window and nodded, joining the two pieces and setting them aside. They had no place yet on the board. Edward marvelled again at Josh’s ability to detect the most subtle patterns, between puzzle pieces and people, too. Or their actions. With his gift, Edward saw that his son held a piece beneath the table, attempting to snap it in half as Edward had. He could bend the rounded obtrusions, but not the centre.

Edward swore silently to himself as he returned to his seat. If what he and the rest of the Cullens were was a puzzle, Josh was slowly assembling it one logical piece at a time. His earliest memories were the murky image upon which he worked, setting his tiny observations in place.

It was only a matter of time. Deep down, Edward knew that, but it chilled him. He did not want to think ahead to what it meant for Josh, and not because it frightened or horrified him, but because . . . . because he wanted it for him, just as he had with Bella. 

_And isn’t that good?_ he asked himself, thinking of his wife and the life they had built together. _Selfish,_ the older part of him replied.

He gave his mental head a shake.

Bella would tell him he was being paranoid. He probably _was_ being paranoid. Bella always told him he was hard-wired to fear the worst. Perhaps this was simply another manifestation of that fundamental worry. He pulled his glasses off his face, pretending to rub his hand over his features. He wanted to pinch the bridge of his nose, but it would smudge the makeup too much.

“Do you think Maddy’ll come home for Christmas?” Josh pushed two pieces apart, rejecting his guess. He did not look at Edward.

Upstairs, Bella coughed again.

“Of course,” Edward said, frowning a little, trying to understand the images Josh was mentally sifting through. “Why wouldn’t she?”

Josh shrugged a little. He thought of playing with Maddy when they were little, how they understood each other in a way that he and Meredith never had. 

Ah. Edward understood. “She’s still young enough to want to come home to be with her parents—or, at least I like to tell myself that. Truthfully, she probably just wants to come hang out with you.”

Josh nodded, slightly mollified by this assurance. His thoughts revealed that he remained somewhat troubled. Both he and his younger sister had attended the local community college for their first years of college, Josh then electing to finish his schooling online while Maddy had been much more eager for the adventure of leaving home. Though much like her brother in some regards, Maddy’s autism manifested itself differently. She was the most social of butterflies, flitting here and there. She had no difficulty making friends, but learning to keep them had at times been a painful process. On the contrary, when Josh made a friend, it was the most solemn of investments. He had few people he called friend, but the ones he had were solid. The strongest friendship was with his youngest sister. He feared being displaced by her contemporaries.

“I really can’t see her wanting to spend Christmas on campus,” Edward said encouragingly.

Josh nodded, his eyes still on the board. His worries on this front were lessened by Edward’s repeated assurances. While his trust in Edward was profound, it was also increasingly affected by the growing disconnect between what was claimed by his family and what he observed of them.

Josh marshalled this list now, ticking off his list of perceived discrepancies: Edward’s strength and speed—the strength having been demonstrated again just minutes before. The speed was only a murky memory, but a strong one. Edward had not been there one minute before Josh was about to fall from the kitchen counter but seconds later, he was. The way Edward hardly ate, or the way he pretended to eat. 

Edward took this time to pretend to yawn and stretch, his mind still focused with razor-like precision on Josh’s ruminations. Very worried precision. He was not being paranoid at all.

Josh’s little list was all about Edward, though there were cursory acknowledgements around his mother. Edward noted that the aunts and uncles did not feature in this list, either. Josh’s maternal grandparents lived on the other side of the country, and his father’s parents lived in Europe and had only visited a handful of times.

The list was not entirely a surprise. Edward had heard pieces of it before, but the amalgamation was new. What shocked him was the warped cognitive dissonance with which he regarded it. Josh saw his parents as good. He loved them. They just displayed remarkably otherworldly attributes that he chose not to label. He did not make attempts at explanation, merely holding onto his observations. His parents just were, and he wanted very much to be like his parents, particularly his father. More disturbingly, though, Josh thought he was in some way dysfunctional not being like them and wondered if it was his autism that prevented it. The desire for sameness was so strong that it briefly overwhelmed Edward, the images of longing coming one after the other—

“I think your mother could use another cup of tea.” Edward stood up too quickly his time, remembering at the last minute. “Mph,” he said, pretending to wince a little as he rubbed his back. 

“I can get it.” Josh pushed his chair back. He felt guilty for not having gotten Bella something earlier. He’d been so focused on his puzzle.

“No, no. I’ll be fine, Josh. It’ll be good for me to walk it off. Besides, she’ll be happy to know you’re enjoying the puzzle she got you.”

Josh ignored the comment about the present, focusing instead on Edward’s bad back. “Doctors make the worst patients,” he muttered.

Relieved that his ruse had passed muster, Edward chuckled in genuine humour. This was Carlisle’s line. He was glad Josh had taken it up. “We are.” He smiled at his son. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”

Nodding, Josh glanced at him, reassured by Edward’s expressions and tone. Then he returned to studying the table and the many pieces of purple.

Edward went through the charade of boiling water, assembling a tray, and carrying it upstairs.

“How’s the patient doing?” he asked, sidling into his and Bella’s room with the tray.

Bella gave a very good imitation of a sniff, looking up from her book. She cocked an inviting eyebrow and spoke in low and sultry tones. “Just fine now that you’re here.”

Edward put a finger to his lips and set down the tray. “He might hear you,” he whispered.

The other eyebrow went up.

“Well, maybe not, but . . .” He shrugged.

“You’re worried.”

“A little. He’s . . . very observant.” This was not new information. He sat beside her on the bed, taking her proffered hand. He felt better just being physically near her again. Perhaps he was worrying too much, as she claimed. In a few whispered words he recounted his experience from downstairs and the thoughts from Josh she hadn’t heard herself.

Bella’s forehead creased as she listened. “He’s noticed a lot. Not that we should be surprised. He’s my kid.” She elbowed him and attempted to smile, but it faltered. “But he also knows a lot about other things and doesn’t put it together.” She shook her head. “The girls—there’s been nothing there, right?”

“No.” There hadn’t been, at least that he’d heard. He also trusted Alice to warn him if she saw anything relating to the family’s futures.

“Then we continue as we were,” Bella said, letting herself smile more freely. “Right?”

“Right,” Edward said. He wished he could feel as comforted as his wife obviously did.

\- 0 -

It was good to have the house be so full. Edward watched Bella smile at Meredith and Ryan. He was a nice enough boy, Edward supposed, though his paternalistic side bristled every time the kid thought about Meredith. He was young and virile and there were images in his head Edward had no wish to be privy to. Given the years of practice he’d had in avoiding his family’s sexual imaginings, he’d thought he’d be well prepared as a parent. He wasn’t. It hadn’t been the first of such surprises.

“Just think how my Dad felt,” Bella whispered, walking towards the kitchen. She hadn’t had to ask what was troubling him.

“He didn’t have to see what we were thinking,” Edward said wryly.

“No,” she called back at a subhuman volume, “I guarantee you he imagined far worse.”

Edward allowed himself a small chuckle. “Likely. I won’t ask him when we see him next.”

“Oh, you should.” Her grin was positively evil.

Edward shook his head, joining Bella in putting away the dishes.

“Hey, want to play a game of charades?” Meredith sounded mildly excited by the idea. This was one of their favourite post-Christmas-dinner games, but she didn’t want to appear too childish in front of Ryan.

“Of course.” Bella’s grin was only slightly less evil as she winked at Edward. Yes, she had read their daughter perfectly. 

The family sat around the living room, waiting on Maddy, who went first. As always, the order was determined by age, and as usual, the younger family members did well while Edward made wildly off-kilter guesses.

Josh seemed very pleased when his and Maddy’s team won. 

“Okay, what’re we making for breakfast?” Bella asked the winners.

“Dad’s special French toast!” Maddy announced.

“Sure,” Bella said, looking at Edward and smiling.

Edward felt a small flicker of pride. He and Bella shared the cooking duties, but despite his lack of recent gastronomic experience, his food was often preferred by the children. His French toast, a carefully researched and decidedly unhealthy concoction of crusty bread, butter, cream, eggs, cinnamon and cardamom, was a long-standing holiday favourite.

“No eggnog pancakes?” Edward countered, more to assuage any hurt feelings on Bella’s part than anything else. 

There was a flicker of indecision in Maddy’s thoughts. Her mother’s pancakes were a close second. “How about for the day after?”

“Nothing but sugar-pa-looza around here,” Bella murmured audibly.

“Su-garrrr,” Josh and Maddy chanted together in low, zombie-like voices. Then they collapsed into giggles.

Bella rolled her eyes. Despite the best efforts by both of their parents, their children were long-standing and unreformed sugar addicts, though this seemed to have mellowed a little with age. At Christmas though, they were more child-like again, at least to Edward. This was good, he told himself. Perhaps it would distract Josh from his increasingly focused thoughts on the nature of certain family members.

“C’mon, let’s go clean up,” Josh said to Maddy, jerking his head towards the kitchen. As he passed by Meredith and her boyfriend, he rolled his eyes. His older sister didn’t even notice, too busy making goo-goo eyes at Ryan.

Bella muffled a giggle, snuggling closer to Edward on the couch and kissing his cheek before laying her head on his shoulder. Edward wrapped his arm around her, listening to Josh and Maddy’s murmured chatter in the kitchen. He suspected Bella was doing the same.

“I think I’m going to have to hide or barf or something, if they keep that up,” Maddy said.

“I know,” Josh mumbled empathetically, “Ew.”

The rush of water and the clank of pots and pans filled the space for a bit.

“Dad let us win again.”

“Yeah.” Maddy sounded unsurprised.

“It’s weird.”

“Parents are weird, Ja.” As she had when she was little, Maddy pronounced it like ‘Jaw’.

Edward frowned mentally. He hadn’t heard this childhood nickname in a long time. It’s mention was accompanied by Maddy veering away from what she felt were troublesome thoughts. 

“Our parents aren’t weird . . . they’re—”

“Redo—this one’s still dirty.” Maddy handed the pot back to him. Edward could see it wasn’t dirty. She was attempting to distract Josh.

Josh took the pot back, frowning at what he thought was his sister’s pickiness as he scrubbed it clean. He wanted to delve deeper into this vein of conversation, for he was digging for something very purposefully, something he couldn’t really talk to Meredith about.

After a moment, he tried again. “Mom and Dad aren’t weird, Maddy. They’re . . . _different_.” His indistinct mental puzzle was starting to take shape, and having both his sisters in the house had clarified things. He had decided it couldn’t be his autism that distinguished him so from his parents. 

Already on edge, Edward’s anxiety caused his body to still instinctively. He forced himself to casually uncross and recross his legs and then clear his throat. Beside him, Bella reached over to take his hand in hers and rested them both on her lap. Although she didn’t have the benefit of hearing the thoughts behind the words, she could hear the conversation in the kitchen as well as he could. 

Josh rested his hands on the sink ledge. He was certain there was something _more_ , and that Maddy knew about it. 

Maddy had left the water running, though she wasn’t rinsing any dishes. Pinned to his seat by pretense, Edward watched through her thoughts as she put her hand on Josh’s. The force of her next thought hit Edward like a truck. He hadn’t seen it coming—not a hint.

“You’re not supposed to notice, Ja,” Maddy said softly, almost in a whisper. “It’s how we all . . . it’s how this works.” She didn’t say it, but she thought Meredith was too self-absorbed to notice. “We just . . . we do our thing and they pretend to do theirs. They want us to think they’re like everyone else. Like we’re supposed to act like everyone else.” She picked up a pot and rinsed it off, thinking of how her grandfather had so patiently taught her about ‘expected’ and ‘unexpected’ behaviour. “Like Grandpa Carlisle used to teach us to do when we were little so other kids didn’t tease us.”

In the living room, Edward had to remind himself to maintain his human charade. With his gaze purportedly still on the fire, he could feel Bella’s equally inhuman stillness beside him. He nudged her slightly and she pretended to yawn.

“Keep going,” Maddy said. “Do what’s expected, right?” 

Still somewhat stunned by the confirmation of his observations, Josh nodded quietly, going back to scrubbing aimlessly at the frying pan in his hands. 

Edward’s phone began buzzing.

“Excuse me,” he murmured, reaching for it and answering. Silently, he gave thanks for the invention of call display. He didn’t have to pretend to be surprised by Alice’s call. “Alice, how good of you to call. . . . Merry Christmas to you, too.” He walked down the hall toward the study, dropping his falsely animated expression as soon as he was out of sight. 

“Edward, what just happened?” Alice demanded.

“Oh, the kids are good. They’re all here with us,” he said sociably, reaching the study and closing the door behind him. When it clicked shut, his tone switched. “Maddy knows. She’s apparently known for some time—she just hasn’t said anything. She just confirmed Josh’s observations.”

Alice said nothing.

Edward was afraid to ask what she’d seen. He knew that there were few possible outcomes, even fewer of them good. He waited a moment longer but finally couldn’t bear the silence.

“Alice?”

“They’ll be like us, Edward.”

He closed his eyes, pinching his nose. In spite of the horror of this moment, he still made a mental note to fix his makeup before he left the room.

“It’s . . . they’ll be happy.”

Happy? “What? How?”

“I see us all together—I see them with us.”

“ _All_ of them?” he asked. _All three?_

“No. Just Josh and Maddy. Meredith—I see a human life for her.”

He swallowed. “And the Volturi?”

“Who said anything about the Volturi?”

“Alice—” he growled. Surely she wouldn’t tease him at a time like this. 

“I don’t see anything to do with them,” Alice said after another pause. “I think it’s going to be okay. Don’t borrow trouble, Edward.” 

Alice had kept her voice quiet enough so that Edward knew Bella would not have overheard her sister-in-law. From the living room, Edward heard Bella’s voice ring out to alert him. “I’m going to go say hi to your aunty,” she told the kids.

When she entered the room, her face appeared neutral, but Edward knew better than to trust what he saw. “Well?” she mouthed to him.

“What else did you see?” Edward asked Alice, turning away slightly, trying not to appear like he was ignoring or evading his wife, but wanting to stall for time. His mind spun with various ways he could break this news.

Alice, however, forestalled this, speaking loudly so that her voice couldn’t go unheard by any vampire in the house. “Let me talk to Bella, Edward.”

Still, he held the phone to his head, frowning, his back still to his wife.

“Edward?” Bella asked. 

It was Christmas. This was not the time for bad news. There was never a good time for it, but today—

His wife’s warm hand touched his cheek and he was confronted by her bright, warm eyes, now full of questions. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, okay? Together.”

He nodded, though he struggled to believe it. They’d worked so hard to prevent this outcome—or any other related to it. Their children were supposed to have full and human—human!—lives.

Bella coaxed the phone from his hand, pressing it to her ear. “Hi, Alice.” Then she listened. 

Edward watched as Bella’s face transformed, fear then joy blossoming in her features. Her hand went from being clasped over her mouth to her heart. “Both of them?”

She suddenly threw her arms around him, the phone still in her hand. . “Both of them, Edward!”

She was _happy_ about this _?_

“I know it’s not for sure, that it can change, but—” She hugged him tighter in wordless joy.

When she pulled away and looked at him, smiling broadly, he blinked in confusion.

“I’ll call you back, Alice,” Bella said, hanging up. Her gaze was focused purely on him. “Edward?” She stroked his cheek, her gaze questioning.

“I’m—we’ve worked so hard to keep this from them. To keep them—”

“Safe. We’ve worked to keep them safe, Edward. Loved. There is nothing more safe than being like us.”

The world felt upside down, but he nodded. What Bella was saying was true, but it was a truth that pierced him. “Being like us will be no guarantee, Bella. There are no guarantees with the Volturi.”

“Being like us, being _with_ us will keep them safe. The Volturi will always be a threat, Edward, but we’ve handled them before and we can handle them again, _if_ we need to.”

Edward wanted to disagree. Bella was comparatively still so young to this life. Yes, they still had leverage over Aro, but that could change. He held Bella tightly, trying to grapple with the joy so obvious in her trembling embrace. Having such hope and ease was so foreign to him, even after all the goodness they had enjoyed. 

“You can be happy about this, Edward. If the kids suspect us, that means there’s a chance that what Alice sees will be a choice—not a necessity, but something they want. And Josh—he’s always wanted to be like you.”

There was no doubting this. Edward had known of Josh’s long-held desire for so long, ever since that day in the meadow.

Sliding her hands into his hair, Bella locked her eyes with his. “Our life is good, Edward.” She leaned up on her toes and pressed her lips against his. 

So very good.

“Can I get an amen?,” she whispered, smiling as she teased him a little.

“I . . . did not expect this reaction,” Edward told her, finally putting his arms around her. 

“I can tell.”

How she still surprised him.

“But we should get back,” she said, sighing and stepping away reluctantly from their mutual embrace, “or our younger two will think we’ve run off to do what Meredith and Ryan are thinking of doing.”

He gave her a dark look. He did not need the reminder. 

Bella snorted. She really was near giddy with this news.

Still, their absence would be noticed if they lingered much longer.

Edward allowed himself to be towed back to the kitchen, checking the hallway mirror on the way to make sure his “wrinkles” were intact. Josh and Maddy were finishing with the last of the dinner cleanup when they arrived.

“Thank you,” Bella said, wrapping her arms around each of her children in turn. “It’s very sweet of you two to clean up.”

“No problem,” Maddy said. She hugged Bella, thinking of how her work hadn’t been to spare her mother any weariness, but because she wanted to show her that she loved her. Her father, too. The filter on her thoughts seemed to have slipped. She glanced at Edward over Bella’s shoulder, challenging him with her thoughts: _I’m pretty sure you can hear me._

Left to their own devices, Edward’s eyes would have widened noticeably. Instead, he smiled benignly at his daughter. If Maddy or Josh ever knew for sure, it would be because they came to the conclusion themselves, not because he handed it to them.

Even so, it appeared the jig was nearly up, if he were to use that old idiom. All their efforts to up their game had clearly not been enough, at least, not for their two youngest. It was not the outcome he had expected, or even imagined if he was being honest, and that new reality would take some getting used to. 

Josh’s sudden embrace almost surprised Edward.

“Love you, Dad.”

“Love you, too,” he murmured, letting himself be wrapped up in the warmth and love in his son’s arms and thoughts. For Josh’s love was the same as it always had been: unadulterated and unconditional. Flowing through Josh’s consciousness were all the differences he’d seen and been unable to reconcile, now freed to be acknowledged in his mind after the confirmation his sister had provided.

“No matter what,” Josh whispered. 

_Or had he?_ Edward was startled to realize that he wasn’t actually sure if Josh had said the words aloud. Perhaps both of his youngest children were subtly testing him tonight. 

As Edward and Bella moved through the last of the nightly routine—pretending to brush their teeth, donning night clothes and heading to bed—Edward ruminated over the gifts of the day. Trailing back to him were the dim memories of his human Christmases past and his own childish wonderment at the season’s promises. He recalled most strongly the promise of hope, and now he nursed his own little hope as it struggled not to be extinguished by his habitual anxiety.

“Upping my game,” he mumbled to himself.

“What?” Bella flipped back the duvet cover, sitting on the edge of the bed.

He only smiled, supporting himself with one arm as he leaned across the bed to kiss his wife, a hand cupping her head. Then he pulled back and watched her quietly for a moment as a new thought, a tiny epiphany perhaps, began to emerge. Daring to hope had never come easily for him in this life and yet, sitting here with his beautiful mate and surrounded by family in this home they had created together, he had to acknowledge that hope had already served him well. Perhaps it was something he could allow himself after all. 

\- 0 -

_Addendum: Cullen Family Holiday Breakfast Recipes_

**Edward’s Famous French Toast**

Ingredients:

  * Two loaves of fresh, organic French bread (crusty with a soft interior)
  * One dozen fresh, organic, free-range eggs (washed)
  * 5 ml / 1 teaspoon finely and freshly ground organic cinnamon
  * 2.5 ml / ½ teaspoon finely and freshly ground organic cardamom
  * 60 ml / ¼ cup organic cream from a grass-fed cow (33% milk fat minimum, sans any adulterating agents)
  * 125 ml / ½ cup organic salted butter from a grass-fed cow, softened



For serving:

  * Organic, hand-whipped whipped cream (35% milk fat minimum; Avalon dairy-preferred)
  * Organic Maple syrup (Canadian, preferably from Estrie, Quebec, Canada)
  * Sliced organic strawberries, or organic berry compote. If necessary, seedless organic raspberry jam may be substituted.
  * Suggested accompaniment: freshly cooked organic, locally-sourced and humanely-raised bacon.



Preparation:

  * After sanitizing one’s hands and all cooking equipment, surfaces and utensils, whisk together the eggs, cream, cinnamon and cardamom (French whisk preferred) in a large, non-reactive bowl. Preheat a cast-iron griddle to medium heat. To test for cooking readiness, drop two drops of water on the griddle. They should dance and evaporate in under ten seconds. 
  * Slice the bread into thick, even pieces of slightly less than 2.54 cm / 1 inch (measuring strongly suggested), discarding the end pieces. Butter each piece of bread evenly and dip it in the egg batter, turning after a count of three seconds to ensure each piece is evenly coated with moderate absorption within. The bread should not be sopping, or the egg mixture will not cook evenly, potentially risking salmonella poisoning.
  * It goes without saying, but wash one’s hands between handling the egg-doused bread and the turning implement so as to avoid cross-contamination.
  * Cook each piece until golden brown on each side. Plate and garnish while warm. Clean the kitchen promptly.



~ 0 ~

**Bella’s Eggnog pancakes**

  * However many boxes of instant ‘complete’ pancake mix you need
  * A handful of ground cashews for each cup of instant mix
  * Enough eggnog
  * Some tap water



Instructions: In a large bowl, eyeball the amount of pancake mix required and stir it together with the ground cashews. Replace half the water required (again, eyeball it) with eggnog. Cook the pancakes until they’re golden brown on both sides. For extra fun, throw in a handful of chocolate chips to each pancake. Toss the cooked pancakes onto plates as they’re ready. Best served with spray-it-from-the-can whipping cream and imitation maple syrup.

* * *

DISCLAIMER: S. Meyer owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.


End file.
